An Apple solution to "The Schnitzel Problem"

The Schnitzel problem

Having owned a lot of headsets (another dedicated post is in the pipeline) since Sep. 1997 (this is when it all started (this one also deserves another post sooner rather than later) - a rather dark day for my future paycheques), more than thirty of which were smartphones, i have to admit that during the last two years my (primary) phone has always been an iPhone. Yep.

I also had the original iPhone back in 2007 for a few days but (one could partly blame the initial FW as well as my AHD condition - Apple Haters' Disorder - back then) it was a few billion light years bellow the WinMo smartphones competition so i got rid of it fast.  For those who remember, there was no way to copy paste in the iOS at the time! Although i must admit that i was fairly impressed by the capacitive screen and the orientation sensor. FF to March 2011 when i got my iPhone 4, then on November 2011 came the very originally designed 4S and on December this year i purchased the very latest incarnation of the dead alive (loud applaud here) - the "honey, i elongated the iPhone while screwing a great design in the process" iPhone 5.

Have you ever been to Vienna? If it is schnitzels you desire, this is place to be in! Oh, they also have the Opera, but who cares? I have been there once (Vienna i mean, not the opera), at a very nice restaurant -called Figlmüller- which was famous for it's schnitzels.  You may imagine this particular piece of meat as a rough circle with a radius of about 15 cm, while being wafer thin. No need to imagine it, i found a picture of it! It was served as is, no mashed potatoes side, only with a tiny slice of lemon. Just the meat (which was delicious). However there was a slight problem...

• Definition of the problem: The schnitzel was bigger than the round plate it was being served into. Which was kind of akward because when trying to slice the meat while being near the edge there was no dish beneath. Also, if you folded the meat in half then you lost the "wafer thin" attribute which was one of the selling points.  Generally speaking, handling the otherwise great tasting piece of meat was not easy/functional/practical.  (Don't worry though, i managed.)
• Obvious sollution: Get a larger round plate, so that the schnitzel fits in its entirety.
• Prior to iPhone 5 Apple provided sollution: "You do not really want a shnitzel of such proportions. You may not know it yet but what you really need is smaller schnitzel. Repeat this for 100.000.000 times and then you should be healed. Because we know better than you what you actually like."
• Apple sollution in the iPhone 5 era: Provide the same shnitzel in an elongated ellipsoid plate that almost (but not quite) fits the meat along it's length but NOT AT ALL along it's width, after hearing a nice gentleman with a soothing voice (Sir Jonathan Ive) explain to you that a big enough round plate (obvious sollution) is something not good for you because the way you hold your plate your fingers cannot utilize the extra width of a larger plate because uhmm that's the way it actually is and you are a little dumb not to know it already but okay you may be forgiven if you select the ellipsoid plate that you hate in the first place but since you are a sinner (for wanting a larger plate, although you have been explicitly ordered not to ever want smth like that) you are going to pay a huge premium for that. Get the meaning or is it only clear in my twisted mind?

You don't? Let me switch to glorious analog and proudly present the bellow grainy sketch on an piece of paper (which was stained with tomato - had some sandwiches a while before) so i had to crop the image before you have the chance to admire my scribble.

Now let me bring the yummy schnitzel analogy to the iPhone design issue. The plate is the smartphone screen and the schnitzel is the information that we want to see on screen. The amount of info has been multiplying the last few years, while in the same time network costs for a flat UMTS or even 4G data plan have been reduced to bearable levels almost all over the world. Which means that there is available -as well as easy to grab while on the move- a substantial amount of information.  Still, the iPhone's screen has remained 3,5 inches in diagonal since 2007. (Yes retina quadrapled the number of pixels -the original 480 by 360 pixel resolution was indeed a bad joke-, but still the screen remained very small when compared to other high end smartphones.) 

You see, more and more people (see this) are willing to browse the web and watch videos and process images and videos and even read books on their cellphones, because they always carry them and are sometimes too bored to use a tablet or a PC (can't blame them, that's for sure).  So the plate was small while the shnitzel is getting bigger all the time.  Other big plates have been available and competition became fierce.  Apple has finally been forced to understand that people wanted a bigger screen, since 3,5" retina or not, are simply not enough.  So they had to betray their number one princliple, the commandment above all commandments!  They could not dictate to people that a 3.5 inch screen was the best for them anymore. WOW!

And what did they do? Preserving the iPhone 4 design, which may actually be the Holy Grail as far as they're  concerned, they decided to make it a little thinner and also boost the screen diagonal from 3,5" to 4" while going from a yummy, healthy 4:3 960 by 640 pixels screen (see photo on the left) to an -almost- anorexic 16:9 1136*640 pixels (see photo on the right). 

Result: A pretty lady that is stretched vertically, kind of like what we have to endure with 16:9 flat screen TVs and 4:3 content that is forced to feed the 16:9 screen in it's entirety, though in reverse.  So sorry about this Jessica...

You may already have figured out by now, but i actually do hate the iPhone 5 design.  I really wanted to love it, i tried hard.  But i just can't.  Why is it still my phone then?

It is essentially very simple: It still provides the best overall experience (expect another post about this sometime soon) compared to any other (normally sized for average people, that is) phone currently available on the market.  Even though calling it ugly is a real understatement.  

Let me here sum up my iPhone (love) life of the last two years, what it feels like (kind of):

• iPhone 4
• First very passionate few weeks with a crazy/beautiful girlfriend!
• iPhone 4S
• The second semester with the woman i actually care about and love.
• iPhone 5
• Staying with my "other significant half" that we've been together with for more than two years - no entusiasm but i can count on her and it is not easy (or even wise) to move on, since we have lots of common friends and even my parents like her.  Oh and she is a great cook, even if the plates she uses are too small for schnitzels...

Back to the schnitzel, then.  In my humble personal opinion Apple screwed it real bad with the iPhone 5 design.  Sales were still stellar, but i have a hunch that things may change in the future months.  Of course it is not just the aesthetic perspective that counts, but on the OS side it also seems that some major changes in it's philosophy are required if it is to keep selling like crazy.  Moreover, if Apple wants people to keep paying premium money for the iPhone, then it should provide a premium experience compared to the competition.  With HTC One already here and reviewers raving about how great a phone it is, all i can advise is to enjoy your schnitzel while it lasts.  Maybe it shall be the last one you'll ever have on such a small plate...